I've never cried coz of a flu in my whole life as much as I cried over this one !!
 

swine flu is soooooooooo exhausting!! wallaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !!!
 

yatni mn refejti, my friend passed it to me when she hugged me oo she didnt know at that moment that she carries H1N1 virus !!!
now we're getting better el7amdlillah, today we just informed that we carry the virus.

whenever I sense someone not on their own, I just leave them untill they get their moodiness out, then I come back if i need something or if I want to make them feel good somehow ...

but the sad thing is .. whenever I am down no one leaves me alone untill I deal with my sorrow, they just keep on pushing me hard hard hard !!!!
they know I am not on my own, wallah they know !!!!! yet they keep on saying nasty prayers, bad talks, doubting my intentions etc ...

it's like I am a machine .. I am there for the sake of their needs .. but no time for me.. I am responsible about everything, and I know everything !! if I fail one thing then I am a can head !!!!!! no use of me .. then start the bad talks etc ..................

this one thing for them ...
 

" have you ever thought of how I'd sleep at night after I hear you killing words? have ever imagined how wet my pillow would be? *cause of my tears* "

1. What is the full name on your birth certificate?
risky risky

2. Who sleeps in the same house as you?
my family

3. Who was the last person you saw?
my cousins, and my high school friend Reem

4. Suppose you see your crush/boy/girlfriend kissing another person, what would you do?
why should i care? ;p jealousy is so last season *huh* ;p

6. who was the last preson of the different sex did you talk to ?
Daddy <3

7. last person you texted?
my friend Manal

8. Ever kiss two different people in one night?
kuwaiti culture u kiss 1000000000 people every 5 seconds hehe

9. How about nine?
question nine? or wat do i think of number nine?

11. What are you wearing?
sleeveless black with white dots top, and pink with purple dots short :P I am making a crime in the fashion industry ;O

12. Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
my friend Manal

13. Are you doing this just because you're bored?
hehehe totally !!

14. what are you doing right now?
listening to "little suicide" by the lovecrave, watching greys anatomy and answering this at the same time :D

15. What are you excited for?
my cousin's wedding ^_^ and my college !

16. Do you miss someone right now?
yes, shofii

17. What does msn name say?
"I scream for you in the silence of nonexistence, feeling you with the trace of an aura !"

18. Can you text 60 words per minute?
noooooooooooooooooooo, amma bad typer ;<

19. Are you high?
practically, cause the song's taking me high :P

20.texting or calling?
neither :P, but I prefer calling

21. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin donuts or Wendy's?
neither !! hates them

22.one thing that on your mind right now?
lunch
shopping
college
friends
cousins
hang outs
my hamsters

23. What color is your top?
BLACK

24. Is that color your favorite?
HELL YEEEEEAH

25. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
about 2 days I went to orphan it was FREAKISHLY AWESOME, and yeah there's a chance to go to brad pitt's

26. Do you have cancer or diabetes?
el7amdlillah no

27.do you think the last preson you texted you guys will hang out soon?
hehe yes

28. Can you surf?
No but I can swim and dive :P

29. Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
no I get bored easily, cause I feel like there's no point in horror\thriller films? but films like orphan are WOW

30. If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it?
save !!!

31. If there were a large spider in your room, would you stay ?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW no no, I have to let them get it outta my rooom !!!! then make sure there's no other !

34. Would/could you ever become a vegetarian ?
well there are  chances of me becoming a vegetarian

35. Where are you right now?
in my room, on my bed

36.What is your desktop picture?
a pic of a modern art

38. Can you swim?
yesss

39. Do you shop for clothes?
for everything not only clothes

43. Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
TOKYOOOO

45. Do you have a guitar in your house?
nope

46. Are you listening to music right now?
yes " Rosa maria" by Chambao

47. Who else is in the room with you?
none

48. In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
hoodies <3

49. Can you make balloon animals?
nooooo

50. How often do you get onto Facebook?
whenever I have a new email from FB

51. How long can you go without your mobile phone?
NEVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

52. Do you have any enemies?
ahh as if I care ;p

55. What does your tenth text say?
shofi sent: a7ebk 7ob 5alani abee3 edenya mn ajlk, oo bokra law t3ood thani a5ali el'3ali yr5a9lik

56. How much cash is in your wallet?
I dont do cash !!

57. Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
huh ? as if he was gay ?

58. Who gave you your last compliment?
3younch 7elwa, from one of my mother's relatives

60. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
no

61. what were you doing this time last night?
preparing for one of my cousins special party

62. When is the last time you made someone else cry?
I don't remember ?

63. Who last called you hot?
hehehe, humm wayd!, ay wa7d fehum lazm thkera ? ;p

64. What last made you sad?
*sigh* a friend

66. What made you laugh a lot last?
hehehe my cousin ams bel party we were neth'36 b3'9 hehehehe

67. Do you know anyone called Lucy?
a dog in a movie lol

70. What are you doing tomorrow?
maybe I'll do shopping, my cousin's wedding garrab, so preparing

72. What are you thinking about right now?
about going to the hospital, and about make somethings done

73. How do you handle stress?
dancing, showering, writing stuff here and there, and hang out

75. Did you make any new friends in the past week?
no I was busy all the time

76. If so what do you think of him/her?
waiting for them to come ^^

77.Are you happy or sad?
I'm cool

I am tired of being responsible about everything

I am tired of you getting angry and mad all the time

I am tired of your stabs in my back

I am tired of me trying to make you satisfy all the time

I am tired of my hopes and dreams

I am tired of this mask I am wearing everyday

I am tired of being the best for everyone

I am tired of being your trust worthy

I am tired of keeping your secrets which broke my shoulders

I am tired of being female

I am tired of this saying that I keep on telling to my self all the time "everything is going to be alright"

I am tired of being alive that I am still waiting for my death time

I am tired of hearing you scream

I am tired of hearing your nasty prayers

I am tired of pushing my self to the limit

I am tired of siting here and wait for you

I am tired of your pressure

I am tired of being hurt and in pain cause of your knives that I am trying to swallow to make you feel right

I am tired of me living here on the edge

I am tired of your control on me

I am tried of you all ....
 

I can't take this anymore !!


Please, just leave me alone or kill me ... please !!
 

I dyed my hair yesterday .. it's reddish brown, before it was blackish brown ..
I admit, blackish brown was freakishly awesome !!, but reddish brown is cool thou !
I cut my hair, a japanese haircut !!  I look cute :D, I've cut about 3 inches *WAYD* and that was what made my mom angry :P
but now it seems that she likes it, always touches my hair :D

LAYERS LAYERS LAYERS .. Lifely shiny layers <333333333333333333333

MASHALLAH ;p









 

You born alone crying, You live alone .. You die alone even if you share your life with special someone  .. welcome to life that we are all fighting for !!

here's a sand drawing about "life"..

 

I Admit ..

I just started to recognize the feeling I am having for long time, "afraid to be left alone" it's because I am afraid to harm my self with my own thoughts and analysations

I Admit ..

I need a DISTRACTION !

I Admit ..

I wanna run and never come back again ..

I Admit ..

I told you I am gonna approach u somehow ;), and I did :P

I Admit ..

is it too late ?, or is it too soon ?

I Admit ..

I am starting to hate everyone :) good thing aphrodite,huh?

I Admit ..

Why is every step that I take is another mistake to you ?

I Admit ..

Sadness is beautiful, but loneliness is tragical !

I Admit ..

I have lack of sleep that causes me head-aches

I Admit ..

Why is the world too small ? I am feeling that it doesnt fit me anymore !

I Admit ..

Why am I the captive of my own thoughts ? when will they release me ?

I Admit ..

As much as I need, I need a new brain ! or a brain wash RIGHT NOW !!

I Admit ..

I love you, I'll kill you !!!
 

ya hala oo mas'halaaaa taw manawerat el kuwait !! :***

Wallah mahadalii bal ela bshouftk !! allah y6awli b3omrk dad :***

WELCOME :D

=================================================
 

Get well soon grandma .. today I'll visit u inshallah ..

I hope that I won't see you aching ya rab ;(

I amma tell you this secret..
10 lifetimes old ..
A secret that kills slowly..
Crawls beneath your flesh the moment you know..
I've carried it inside these weakened veins..
with struggles and pains,

Stains .....               Stains............
it's how dirty the secret gains !!

 

Mess ...                     Mess ..........
is how my brain in mayhem remains



It's the black hole that stabbing  in the heart .....

IT'S YOU !!! ............. <let it be written, let it be done !>